The timing couldn't have been more prolific. Who
would've thought the day after my 41st birthday that my ability to run would
just up and disappear? This week was supposed to be a nice end of summer
vacation for my family and me. Unfortunately it's been nothing but an emotional
roller coaster. There's many more doctor's appointments and questions to be
asked.
What do I know? After getting a MRI yesterday it
appears that my spinal column has narrowed and I have a herniated or protruding
disc (they mean the same thing) in my lumbar region (lower back). All of this
is causing lower back pain and numbness in my right leg. It's practically
impossible to stand or walk for any period of time.
I can't stand, I can't walk I can't do anything other
than think about this right now. So, I needed to do something. So I did
something stupid and researched my injury on the internet. I know, I know,
never to do this! I found a lot of information that was difficult to interpret
and disheartening to read. Some were success stories. Some were so tragic they
left me in tears.
To answer one question that's surely on
everyone's mind, yes my running streak ended yesterday at 609 days and 2,762
miles. I made the extremely difficult decision last night to stop rather than
risk doing even more damage. As with anything, the information out there on
continuing running with this type of injury is contradictory. Some
professionals recommended not doing it, others said that it wouldn't cause
anymore damage. Until I get my professional diagnosis and speak with my new
orthopedic spine surgeon this Friday I thought it was best to call it quits.
The pain was so intense last night that it was causing me to see stars and
almost pass out every time I tried to walk. It was time to let it go. Out of
all of my running related achievements those past 609 days are one of my
greatest. I started out just wanting to last 366 days and came out the other
end with almost double that number changed forever. It was such an amazing
experience that taught me I didn't know as much about running as I once thought
I did. I met some truly amazing people who continue to run on into the
streaking future making my 609 days look like chump change. I learned to blog,
video podcast and was shocked to find that so many people followed my journey.
My wife thought I was a loveable nut, my son thought I was a superhero and my
friends didn't bring the topic up because they got sick of me rambling on and
on about it. I ran through sweltering heat and humidity, heavy rainfall, snow
and sleet. I ran after long days of work, during and after a surprise birthday
party, on holidays and special occasions. If there's one thing that I can say
about it all it's that anyone who wants to get to know themselves better should
give it a try. It wasn't hard when you took it day by day. Just a mile a day
was the admission price to come to know myself on a deeper level, see some
amazing scenery and wildlife, push my limits past perceived boundaries. It was
truly a gift to experience a beautiful type of quiet that can only be found in
complete darkness at 11:50 PM EST , in the brilliant rays of Christmas
morning dawn while the world still sleeps and in the stillness of the trail
when it's only you and a grinning puppy amidst the trees. There are thing that
I can not put into words about this special time in my life. Went out to dinner
last night with the family to celebrate the end of an amazing era.
To answer the other big question, yes I've pulled out
of all of my scheduled races for the year. No Rochester Marathon , Can 50K or Mendon 50K. If you think that signing up for your
first ultra-marathon is difficult, try withdrawing from it. It really hurts the
wallet as well. This will be the first year that I haven't run a marathon since
2005. So sad. Unfortunately the blog will be ending as well. I'll still keep
the site up. But there's little to write or tape when you're not training to go
five miles more.
You've all been so
encouraging and I wouldn't of gotten this far without your love and support. I'm
not writing this for your pity. I'm just letting some friends know that I'm
human. I'm not sure what the future is going to hold. I pray that it involves
running somehow. I've gotten so much from it. It's part of who I am. Sometimes
though, I have a tendency to overdo things in my life. Maybe that's what
happened in this case. Or maybe it was only a matter of time. Balance is
something that continues to elude me in my life. Please understand that the
next few months are going to be a difficult transition for me to make. I'm not
giving up. Not by a long shot. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm an active
guy. I'm going to get some good information on Friday and focus my energies on
overcoming this particular challenge. I will keep everyone up to date through
Facebook as best I can.
I've always said that
living life means taking risks. Without risking anything in your life, you're
just existing. I've never been the kind of guy to sit around and watch the day
go idly by. Running has done a lot for me and my life. Helped me to more fully
experience my world. At times it's been a blessing. At others it's caused
unneeded stress and anguish. But I'd like to think it's done more good than
bad. From what I can understand coming back from an injury like this is
different from person to person. There is no standard recovery time. I don't
think that it's the nail in my coffin that I'm dreading it is. But if it is,
then I can look back on everything and smile with a sense of satisfaction. You
can't run for 12 years and log over 27,665 miles and not feel like you got
somewhere.
As I think back to the
beginning I think of the person who started it all. I don't rarely talk about
my wife. She's a private woman. Not the kind to put her stuff out there. She's
been my biggest supporter and sometimes hater of my running career. 12 years
ago she gave me the encouragement to stop dreaming and start doing. Since that
first 5K I haven't looked back. I've eclipsed what she thought, what I thought,
what anyone thought a formerly obese, non-athletic little kid could ever do.
She's the most amazing social worker that I know who's helped countless people
and saved numerous lives during the time that I've known her. She's been my
rock through all of this and yet again, she's determined to make this another
one of my success stories.
My family, my friends,
thank you for everything you have done. Thank you for believing in me when I
didn't myself. This is not the end. Thank you for riding that lightning with me...